Cold
by schautomatic
Summary: Yes, Dan decided, extreme measures needed to be taken. It was time to begin Operation Steal Phil's Blanket. (crack!fic w/ smidgen of fluff at the end)


It was _fucking freezing_ in the flat and goddamnit, where was the repairman because it was probably -5 degrees Centigrade outside and their air conditioning unit was broken, and Phil had snatched away the electric blanket and retreated to the safety of his own room _(click-click_ went the double locks), the little bastard, so Dan was left to fend for his life with woefully inadequate cold blankets and Christmas jumpers. The snow was about two feet deep and all the stores were closed so a trek into the wintry wilderness for another electric blanket or a space heater would be pointless. He contemplated sitting by the stove, but he actually liked his blankets and didn't think roasted/flaming throw-blanket could ever be fashionable (even on him). His body heat was nonexistent on a good day, so the little nest of comforters wasn't comforting at all - probably colder than the interior of an igloo, and those things were made of blocks of ice and _still_ managed to keep those Eskimo creatures nice and alive.

Dan was shivering uncontrollably now, teeth chattering (oh god, what if he chipped one of his gorgeous teeth? he'd never be able to face his faithful followers ever again. he'd need to get a filling and he hated dentists; they reminded him of vampire-zombie mutts) and hands stiff and trembling (what if they became hideous and arthritis-inflamed, or - even worse - cracked from dryness. he'd use some moisturizer, but he was pretty sure the pump was frozen stuck). His llama hat was fantastic, but it didn't do much to preserve his ears and he was nervously waiting for them to simply fall off. He'd be called Dan the Deaf Danosaur for years to come, and Phil would responsible for destroying his life career, and Dan would ensure that the older boy provided handicap compensation for him, because it was completely his fault.

And seriously, Phil radiated heat like a _furnace,_ so he didn't even need the electric blanket. He was probably sweating right now with the blanket on low heat, while his poor roommate was dying a slow and painful death by hypothermia, huddling desperately into a burial mound of sheets.

Yes, Dan decided, extreme measures needed to be taken. It was time to begin Operation Steal Phil's Blanket. It'd be especially hard to transport himself to Phil's room without turning into an ice statue, but he would battle the frost giants valiantly nonetheless. Summoning his last reserves of strength, he made a violent lunge for the door, shedding mildly protective blankets in favor of increased speed and agility. One-two-three leaps and he was at his door, frantically fumbling with the icy door handle, a moment more and he was free! And shit, why didn't he bother actually _putting on_ one of the Christmas jumpers, because now he was dancing around the hallway in a flimsy button-down and pajama bottoms.

So "open the door, Phil," before he's seriously affected by frostbite, "open the fucking door before I kick it down," and the door is open and thank the Norse gods. Phil regards him with a mixture of confusion and fear (you looked like a deranged cat, Phil tells him later), and hell, he _should_ be afraid because Dan is a man on a mission.

Dan is past Phil in a flash, tumbling into his bed with a feral growl and ohh, god, the heat. It's amazing and beautiful and Dan could seriously marry the electric blanket right now (they must manufacture rings in extra-jumbo-humongous, right?) Phil is shifting from left to right, crossing his arms and hunching awkwardly but Dan is preoccupied with burrowing into the sheets, and he's pretty sure he hears a low purr and it might be from him.

Finally, Phil just sighs down at Dan-cocoon and slips quietly under the covers (split-second of ice-cold). The blanket really isn't meant for two; it's barely enough for one grown male, so Dan squirms and flounders about until he's properly covered again, and freezes in the warm sheets for a moment because he's suddenly very, very close to Phil. Phil, who simply arches an amused eyebrow at his younger friend and tugs him closer, wrapping deliciously warm arms around him and Dan relaxes instantaneously and feels perfectly, wonderfully at home.

Dan falls asleep with a stupidly happy smile on his face and Phil, Phil just burrows his nose into Dan's hair, sighs, and holds him while he dreams.


End file.
